Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
operation harelip BJ is a go
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize