I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
