So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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