It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
