this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
