bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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