wanna go halves on a baby?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
