yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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