I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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