i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
