Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
