I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize