thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
