On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
