he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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