Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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