your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
