Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

You don't have asthma, your pregnant

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(586): View more from Michigan

I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

Fav 1 1055 1168
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(281): View more from Texas

I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

Fav 2 1443 879
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(847): View more from Illinois

O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.

Fav 17 1899 4254
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(954): View more from Florida

i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.

Fav 78 1763 5538
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(714): View more from California

Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.

Fav 57 1657 5255
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(631): View more from New York

I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

Fav 21 1085 6080
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic

Fav 2 1071 947
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...

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