i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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