I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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