I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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