left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
