I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
