Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
