it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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