You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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