Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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