the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
