someone get that fucking seahorse.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Farmville is her only friend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
