Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We have started to decorate penises.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
