i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
