9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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