apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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