It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
