Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
