It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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