I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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