D3 body, D1 cock
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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