Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
