I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize