I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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