just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
