I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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