Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
