how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
