I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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