dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
