So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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