my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize