shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
