The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
