So drunk its hurt
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
