is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize