you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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