ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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