it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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