Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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