chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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