Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
