you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
