Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
