Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
someone owes me an orgasm
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize