When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
