I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
