My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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