somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my poor anus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
