I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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