Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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