Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There r osticjed everywhere
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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