fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
