Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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