Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You made out with two different species that night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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