i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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