i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
