Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
