I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
