you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
