hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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